LGBTQ+ Jewish Weddings: Inclusive Rituals & Readings

Jewish weddings are rich with tradition, and when two people stand beneath the chuppah, they step into an ancient narrative that continues to evolve through its present-day participants.

For LGBTQ+ couples, that story should be told with the authenticity, joy, and dignity afforded to every person in the tribe. Jewish weddings are full of ancient beauty, but many rituals evolved in a gendered world where “bride” and “groom” were the only characters on the stage. Today, it is all of our responsibilities to honor the fullness of who you are—not as roles, not as what society expects, but as two unique individuals building a sacred partnership.

Taking Gender Out of Rituals or Adapting Language for Multiple Genders

In a traditional wedding, roles are often divided: the groom breaks the glass, the bride circles the groom, the blessings speak of “husband” and “wife.” These rituals can feel outdated or even alienating for couples who don’t see themselves reflected in those categories.

The beauty of Jewish ritual often lies in its flexibility, allowing for meaningful adaptations. We can remove hierarchy, de-gender the language, and center the ceremony on the two people standing beneath the chuppah.

Instead of “husband and wife,” we speak of partners, or beloveds. Instead of one partner circling the other, both partners may circle each other, or they may walk hand in hand in a shared circle to symbolize balance, equality, and mutual protection. And when it’s time to break the glass? Both partners can stomp together, shattering not just the glass but also the expectation that tradition belongs only to one kind of couple.

We also don’t have to pretend that there is no such thing as gender. We can celebrate TWO brides, TWO grooms, TWO non-binary partners, and/or folks of any gender identity by keeping the language in there and assigning it to reflect who’s in the couple. Just because our ancestors had a more limited scope and understanding of these things doesn’t mean that we can’t bring their foundational wisdom into modern times to add the wisdom of our expanded understanding of gender and identity.

Language Matters

Hebrew is a gendered language, which can be both beautiful and challenging. When I officiate queer weddings, I often adapt blessings to use more inclusive forms, addressing partners rather than “husband and wife.” In some cases, we use Hebrew in its traditional form, but we follow immediately with a translation that softens or expands the gendered edges.

The goal is never to erase tradition but to shape it so that it fits who you are. The language of love, after all, is wide enough to hold us all.

Inclusive Vows

Personal vows are where couples often shine their own light. Here are a few inclusive examples:

• “I promise to honor who you are today, and who you are becoming tomorrow.”

• “I join my life with yours in equality, in friendship, in laughter, and in love.”

• “As we break this glass together, we break open the future—building a Jewish home where we are both fully seen for our unique contributions.”

When crafting your vows, what matters is not the form but the truth of your voice. The vows are your declaration, your covenant, your love made audible to your community.

Rituals Reimagined

Here are a few ways that LGBTQ+ couples have beautifully reimagined Jewish wedding rituals:

• The Circling: Instead of one circling the other seven times, both partners may circle three times each, and then walk together in a shared seventh circle in an act of equality and union.

• The Sheva Brachot (Seven Blessings): Traditionally recited over wine, these blessings can be sung or read by friends and family of all genders and identities, or even rewritten in modern poetry that names love as expansive and boundary-crossing.

• The Kiddush Cup: Couples may each sip from the same cup or pour two cups into one vessel as a symbol of their joined lives.

• The Glass: Both break a glass together—sometimes one glass, sometimes two—to mark the fragility of life, the strength of love, and the couple’s shared commitment to bringing the pieces back together and making the world more whole.

Flexible/Fluid/Adaptive Readings & Inspirations

Incorporating readings into your ceremony is a perfect way to weave in words from voices that inspire you—maybe some of whom hold identities that haven’t gotten the attention they deserve. Some couples choose readings from queer poets or thinkers—Adrienne Rich, Audre Lorde, James Baldwin, Ocean Vuong. Others reinterpret Jewish texts through queer theories or Torah queeries. I welcome all of these approaches and am committed to being your co-creators in crafting moments that are meaningful to your unique social location.

One of my favorites is the Song of Songs, an ancient love poem from our tradition. Read through a queer lens, it celebrates desire, partnership, and beauty that transcends gender. Lines such as ‘I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine’ ring all the more powerful when spoken as a declaration of same-sex or non-binary love.

Imagine your friends or family reading these words aloud beneath your chuppah. They don’t just affirm your love; they place it in a lineage of sacred poetry that has always known love is larger than categories.

Rituals That Reflect You

What I tell every couple is this: your wedding should look and feel like you. If a ritual feels like home, keep it. If it feels foreign, adapt it. If it feels broken, transform it or leave it out. That flexibility is not a betrayal of Jewish tradition, it’s a continuation of it. Our people have always reinterpreted ritual to meet the moment. By rewriting ancient wisdom to adapt our modern understanding, we are in fact keeping the tradition alive.

For LGBTQ+ couples, that act of adaptation is holy work. It says: we, too, belong in this chain of tradition. We, too, stand under the canopy of our ancestors and make it wider, brighter, more inclusive.

A Ceremony of Joy

At the heart of it all, a Jewish wedding is not about roles, rules, or rigid categories. It’s about joy. It’s about two souls saying yes to one another in front of their community and under the sheltering presence of the divine.

When your wedding reflects who you truly are—your identities, your love, your values—it becomes more than a ceremony. In turn, your ceremony becomes a blessing for the entire community—a reminder that love in all its forms is sacred, that the tradition we inherit is not static but alive, and that the canopy of Jewish life is big enough to cover us all.