What to Consider When Planning Your Co-Officiated Wedding

So, you're planning a co-officiated wedding. First of all, mazel tov! Whether you're an interfaith cultural, intercultural, or simply hoping to bring together two traditions in a meaningful way, you're already choosing a path of intentionality, creativity, and love.

But let’s be honest: co-officiated weddings can get a little complex. It’s not just about logistics (though there are plenty of those); it’s about meaning, representation, inclusion, and heart. There’s no one right way to do this, but there is your way. And I’m here to help you find it.

Let’s start with the obvious question:

Who Will the Co-Officiant Be?

This might seem like a simple consideration, but it’s more than just picking someone from each tradition. It’s about choosing two people who can collaborate well and respect one another’s roles and practices, while genuinely caring about creating a ceremony that reflects both of you..

I’ve officiated services alongside priests, ministers, monsignors, and even friends of the couple. What matters most is that both officiants are open-hearted, good communicators, and willing to be in service of your vision, not their own agenda.

Before you move forward, set up a meeting with both officiants (and you, of course!) to feel out chemistry and alignment.

How Will the Ceremony Be Structured?

At their core, co-officiated ceremonies are a weaving together of the universal wedding themes shared by all religions—themes of love, devotion, commitment, past/present/future, and family—and your co-officiants are here to make that weaving happen. There are so many ways to shape a co-officiated ceremony. Will it be a true 50/50 with each officiant doing half of the ceremony? Or will one lead the whole arc while inviting the other up for a few key elements (a blessing, a reading, a ritual)? Both approaches can work beautifully, depending on personalities, flow, and your preferences.

A word of advice: avoid the “ping-pong” format, where officiants alternate speaking too frequently, as it can disrupt the ceremony's flow and feel stilted. Instead, think about rhythm. Think about storytelling. Let the ceremony unfold like a well-composed piece of music, with transitions that feel smooth and purposeful.

Will We Wear Robes? How Formal Will It Be?

Clergy attire varies across traditions. I usually ask: what’s the tone of your wedding? Black-tie ballroom? Backyard with hanging lights? Something in between? Couples will make requests: skip the robe and  wear a black dress or a suit. Or dress it up and bring the robe! It’s all about resonance. If you’re not sure how you want us to dress, we’ll discuss it together and come to a decision that feels right. We want to match the tone and spirit you’re envisioning.

Who Are the Guests in Attendance?

Knowing who will be surrounding you as you get married is essential to shaping a ceremony that feels welcoming and accessible.

Are your guests mostly Jewish? Mostly not? Are there guests who’ve never heard a Hebrew blessing, or who might be uncomfortable with certain references? Will there be elders who need slower pacing, or kids who need quicker transitions?

As officiants, we craft language, tone, and pacing to meet the moment. We’d love to hear about your people, their backgrounds, and their expectations so that your ceremony can be accessible to everyone in the room.

What’s the Correct Language and Music Balance?

One of my favorite things to work out with couples is the music-language arc. Do you want lots of Hebrew? Just a little? Would you prefer that prayers are translated and explained, or simply spoken as is?

How do you feel about singing versus speaking? Are you hoping for a prayer to be chanted, or read aloud in English? Maybe you'd love a duet moment, two officiants from two traditions, harmonizing in two languages?

Let us know your comfort level with different elements, and we’ll help create something that flows authentically.

Must-Haves and Let-Gos

Every tradition has its “can’t-miss” moments. Maybe you dream of breaking the glass under the chuppah. Maybe the Christian Lord’s Prayer is deeply meaningful to one side of the family. Maybe a handfasting ceremony connects you to your Celtic roots.

Whatever it is: name it. Honor it. But also consider this—there may not be time or space for everything. What are you willing to gently set aside for the sake of coherence and timing? What will create the biggest impact with the simplest gesture? Think essence over excess.

How Long Will the Ceremony Be?

The sweet spot for a co-officiated ceremony lands somewhere between 30–40 minutes. That’s plenty of time to weave together two traditions, beautiful rituals, readings, vows, and perhaps a piece of music or two. The goal is not to do 2 ceremonies at once, juxtaposing the Jewish and the other religion’s ceremonies next to each other or one after the other. The goal, instead, is to have them play off of one another, sharing rituals from each but also blending universal themes together. For couples who don’t do personal vows, this can last around 25 minutes. For couples who want to include lots of readings, maybe it hits 45 minutes. My guidance is to aim for 35. That tends to be the right landing place!

What Kind of Ceremony Is It, Really?

This is one of the most clarifying questions you can answer for yourselves:

Is this a Jewish wedding with elements from another tradition?
 

Is it a non-Jewish ceremony with Jewish touches?
 

Or is it truly interwoven, equal parts, side by side?

Knowing this shapes everything: the liturgy, the roles of the officiants, the flow of the rituals, the narrative trajectory.

There’s no wrong answer. But not choosing can lead to a ceremony that feels disjointed or unclear. Choose the structure that reflects your relationship and your values—or have us make this decision as a group.

What Should Guests Feel When They Leave?

This is my favorite question because ultimately, this is what it’s all about. Do you want your guests to feel deeply moved? Joyful and uplifted? Welcomed into something ancient, sacred, and new? Do you want them to feel educated, like they’ve learned something new about a religion they don’t know much about?

Tell us your hopes. We’ll help you build a ceremony that brings them to life.

At the end of the day, your wedding is not just a ritual. It’s a story. A declaration. A promise. As a cantor and a clergy partner, I’m not here to simply perform a service. I’m here to help you shape a moment that is fully yours. May your co-officiated ceremony be a reflection of your love, your families, and the beautiful tapestry you are weaving together.