Creating Sacred Community: How Friends & Family Can Be Part of Your Jewish Wedding Ceremony

When I stand beneath the chuppah with a couple, guiding them into one of the most sacred and joyful moments of their lives, what moves me the most isn’t just the love between the two people getting married—it’s the love that surrounds them. It’s the way their community comes alive to support them. One of the things I treasure most about officiating Jewish weddings is how many meaningful ways there are to invite that love and support into the ceremony itself.

Your wedding ceremony is not a performance; it's an affirmation of a covenant—a deeply personal expression of values, memories, and dreams. And while the central focus is on the couple, the ceremony becomes even richer when others are invited to play a role. From the signing of the ketubah to the last joyful moments under the chuppah, your people can be part of it all.

Here are just some examples:

The Ketubah Signing: A Covenant of Love, Witnessed by Those Who Uplift You

Before the ceremony begins, there’s a quiet and intimate moment when you and your partner sign your ketubah, the traditional Jewish marriage contract. It’s not just a legal document—it's a spiritual one. In it, you promise to honor, nurture, and walk beside one another in love, and those promises are witnessed by two people whose names will be written beside yours for all time.

Jewish tradition specifies that ketubah witnesses should not be close relatives, ensuring the document's legal validity and encouraging couples to honor other meaningful relationships. Consider choosing those whose presence has been steady and true—perhaps a beloved teacher, a mentor, or a lifelong friend. These are the people whose names you’ll see on your wall for years to come. Choose those who make your heart swell, who remind you of your values, who offer strength when you need it most. They aren't just signing paper—they're blessing your union with their presence and affirming your love before God and community.

Readings That Reflect Your Story

While traditional Jewish texts are often part of the ceremony, many couples also choose to incorporate meaningful secular readings that reflect their unique journey together. You and your partner might share a love of poetry, or perhaps there’s a songwriter whose lyrics feel like the soundtrack to your love story. Or maybe there’s a children’s book that brings tears to your eyes because it reminds you of bedtime stories with a grandparent! Bring those words into the ceremony. Invite someone close to you—your cousin, your best friend, your mentor—to come up and read them. I've had couples include everything from e.e. cummings to Taylor Swift, from Rumi to the voice of a grandparent sharing a story they used to read together. These readings don’t just fill space—they fill hearts. They remind us that your love is unique, and that your ceremony should be, too.

Delivering the Rings: A Symbol Passed with Love

The simple act of delivering the rings can be a deeply moving ritual. I’ve seen childhood best friends, parents, siblings, and even flower girls (and once or twice, a dog!) solemnly walk forward with rings cupped in their hands, as if they were holding a treasure. Whether it’s your maid of honor or your godson, the person you choose to deliver the rings becomes part of the sacred flow of the ceremony. In that small walk forward, they’re carrying not just metal, but meaning—symbolic of the circle of love you’re stepping into.

Seven Blessings: A Tapestry Woven by Many Voices

The Sheva Brachot, or Seven Blessings, are among the most ancient and beautiful parts of the Jewish wedding ceremony. These blessings celebrate the joy of marriage and speak to universal themes of love, companionship, and community. Traditionally chanted in Hebrew, they elevate the spiritual energy of the moment. But there are many creative ways to share them with others. You could have loved ones read the English translations of the blessings, one by one. Or, if music is a big part of your life, you might have friends join the cantor in song—or even write and offer their own original blessings, drawn from your shared experiences and values.

One couple I worked with invited seven friends to each write a blessing. They stood one by one, each offering heartfelt words about what they hoped the couple would carry into their marriage: laughter, adventure, resilience, tenderness, justice, curiosity, and home. It was breathtaking. Those weren't just blessings—they were love letters.

Holding the Chuppah: A Living, Breathing Symbol of Community

Perhaps the most visible symbol of community at a Jewish wedding is the chuppah itself—a canopy, open on all four sides, symbolizing the home you’re building together. And what could be more powerful than having your friends or family literally hold up that home? I’ve seen parents, cousins, college roommates, and siblings take their place at each pole. They’re not just there for the photo op—they’re holding the sacred space. They’re making a quiet promise: we’re here, we’ve got you, and we’ll keep showing up to hold up the walls when you need us.

Each of these moments—from the ketubah signing to the chuppah holders, from readings to blessings—weaves your community into the fabric of your ceremony, transforming it into something truly communal and deeply Jewish. By thoughtfully choosing how to involve your loved ones, you create a ceremony that reflects not only your relationship, but the community that supports it. As you plan your ceremony, start by reflecting on the roles that feel most meaningful to you and your partner. Make a list of the special people in your lives and consider how their unique relationships with you might align with these different opportunities for participation. Remember to discuss these choices with your officiant early in the planning process, as they can help you navigate both tradition and personalization. When chosen thoughtfully, each person's presence will enhance your ceremony and become its heart!